To my daughter Anaiah,
This is the first Mother’s day that I am away from you. It has been a year since you went back to the Philippines. I want to say sorry for choosing to be far from you for a few years. I am sorry for making you miss us every morning when you wake up. (Please know that we miss you more) I am sorry for not being there physically to kiss your boo-boos away. I am sorry for watching you grow from a distance.
I want to thank you for being the best daughter I could ever have. Thank you for being candid in our video calls; for playing “scissors-paper-stone” with me virtually; for always prompting “hug time” and hugging the phone; for kissing me and your daddy non stop by kissing the phone screen; for being genuine with your feelings whenever you are upset and you miss us so much (you will hide behind anything whenever I say iloveyou). Thank you for making me laugh at your witty answers to my random questions; Thank you for making me feel so loved whenever you say, “i love you mommy.” Your dad and I are fortunate to have you as our first born.
It is a cliche but leaving you was the hardest decision I made so far. God knows how I exhausted every option i have just to bring you back to Singapore. Sadly, things did not turnout as what your dad and I wanted. At a very young age, I do not expect you to understand why we are apart. But i hope you appreciate what you have and let go of what you lack.
There are a lot more reasons than your future why mommy and daddy chose to be away; I will explain all of these to you next time.
I will understand if you feel incomplete; if you feel i love you less compared to the other mothers of your friends; if you hate me at some point; if you do not want to talk to me in our video calls because you’ll miss me more; if you tell me that you don’t need all the things I give you and you only need your parents. All your sentiments are valid. You can be sad and angry but I hope you learn to find beauty in everything. The world can be chaotic and yet exciting. Learn as much as you can from anything presented to you, may it be bad or good. Opportunities are abundant. Take charge of your emotions; only you can decide what to feel and see. Life will never be perfect but it is still beautiful.
While we are away, you may want to see how fortunate you are to have people around you loving you the best way they can. You have Mommy Lola, Wowa, Wowo, Mommy Ninang, Daddy Ninong, Ninong Josh, Ninong Jie, Mommy Tek, Kuya Jiggo and more. They are many to mention Aia. You may see that this setup only gives you material gains and mostly lost time. But while you lack time with us, you gain the chance of creating memories with your grandparents.
Anak, I do not intend to shield you from things that can hurt you. I only want to guide you how to respond accordingly, that’s why being away scares me. I am scared of failing in bringing out the best in you; of failing to be a mother to you. But I am trusting the process and I am letting God guide us along this rough patch. I believe we can do this together as a family and after this phase we’ll all be better.
We promise to grab every chance we get to spend time with you so you may feel that love is not just about being together but about being present at every moment we have. We promise not to stop to do everything we can so we may be together sooner; complete and prosperous.
Ps. Always remember, your dad and I always decide with the best intentions for our small family. You are very much loved.